You (Don't) Hate Me
by Tris Pond
Summary: "Don't you know, Kageyama?" Tooru almost whispers the words, getting closer to the boy. "I never hated you. I was jealous of you". "Oh," it's all Kageyama can says. He would never have expected it. This is Oikawa Tooru he's talking about, the boy had so high standards that nobody could ever hope to match.


Note: This was written for the Oikage Week July 2019.

Day Two - Theme: Misunderstandings/Confessions.

Crossposted on AO3 and Spirit Fanfiction.

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Crossing his path with Kageyama at a party it's the last thing Oikawa would have expected. But there is the boy, looking uncomfortable at having to interact with people, though he wasn't even talking to anybody.

"Tobio-chan!" Oikawa says, smiling sweetly and ignoring everything the girl that was hitting on him was saying. She wasn't nearly as interesting as seeing his old kouhai.

"Oikawa-san?" he seems surprised too.

Oikawa almost feels insulted. Of course, he is there, he is always invited to parties! He isn't the antisocial one.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, ignoring the insult he wants to throw.

"Akane is my cousin," he says and it takes one second to Oikawa to recall that she is the host. This explains it at least, though the idea of Kageyama having a family is an odd one.

"Come with me," Oikawa says cheerfully and grabs Tobio by the arms, literally dragging him away before he has the time to protest.

They grab a drink and stay in silence for a few awkward seconds, before Oikawa starts to talk. Tobio relaxes a few minutes later, loving the fact the was finally talking to the older boy without arguing and he feels so well.

Tooru is happy too, there's something so different from talking to Kageyama than the others, he always can see whatever the boy agrees or not with him. He likes how the boy is looking at him now, paying as much as attention as when they are on the court, but not nearly as much violent. Still, he feels somehow nervous. He attributes it to the fact that Kageyama is surprisingly easy to talk to, at least as long as they are ignoring volleyball subjects.

The vibe turns dark though when they start talking about that, Oikawa hasn't forgotten that he was the same boy that was responsible for taking his last chance of going to Nationals.

"Did it felt good to see someone you hate to lose?" Oikawa wonders, only realizing after that he said that out loud. He had imagined way too many times what would be like to defeat Ushijima and, to be honest, Kageyama too (but when he did it, it wasn't nearly as good as he thought it would be).

Tobio is confused. They were talking about the Aoba Johsai x Karasuno games, but he didn't hate anybody there. Then he understood what Oikawa is referring to.

"I never hated you," says Kageyama surprised. Yes, Oikawa had been far away from his favorite person, but he could never hate him.

"What?" says Oikawa shocked.

He remembers very well of the time he almost attacked him, and he would have done so if it wasn't for Iwaizumi. Back then, he thought he was right - how could he stand to be around someone as arrogant as Kageyama? The boy had everything so easy, it wasn't fair - and it took a long time to recognize to himself that he had been wrong. Genius or not, the boy had been only a child trying to learn how to be better.

And seeing how Kageyama always acted differently around him, he supposed the boy hated him. He thought it was fair and a part of him didn't care, he wasn't exactly fond of Kageyama either, but a bigger part of him hated him even more for it. He desperately wanted to see him admitting he liked him.

"Actually…" Tobio looks away as if he is unsure of how Oikawa would react. "I admired you" he finishes, uncomfortable.

Oikawa couldn't contain his smile, this is the best thing he had heard.

"You're the best player I know, Oikawa. And I don't know… I like to see how you concentrate so much when you play," Tobio confessed. What he chooses to keep to himself, it was that he also liked to watch Oikawa when he was off the court, no matter what he did he always looked so handsome and demanding.

He had spent so much time of his life trying to imitate Tooru, be better than him. It took him a long time to understand they would always be different and the only thing he actually wanted was to spend time with him.

"But no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough to you," Kageyama adds darkly. He can still remember how stang every time Tooru pushed him away, he remembers feeling confused as to why the boy wouldn't accept him.

There something in the way that Tobio looks, so vulnerable, that makes Tooru feels sads. Suddenly, being so mean to him isn't fun at all. He always knew he could get under his skin, but never thought it was that much. If he had known… he probably wouldn't have done it again. Probably that is what makes him want to be honest with him for the very first time.

"How can you say that?" Oikawa is truly amazed. The very idea of Kageyama not being good enough to him… it always has been backward. Kageyama Tobio was always the one who was destined to shine between them.

"I tried to earn your respect, but you just hated me," he replies. So many hours thinking, trying to find a solution.

"Don't you know, Kageyama?" Tooru almost whispers the words, getting closer to the boy. "I never hated you," he confesses. "I was jealous of you".

"Oh," it is all Kageyama can say. He would never have expected it. He knows he is a very good player, he trains so hard to be that, but when they first met, he was still a dictator, not a team player. And this is Oikawa Tooru he's talking about, the boy had so high standards that nobody could ever hope to match.

"It just… you were born with a talent I'll never have," Oikawa said. He had been haunted for Ushijima's shadow for years and he couldn't deal with being within Kageyama's also. Maybe that made him a bad person, but when he was on the team with Kageyama, he felt that he was losing his spot and his love for the sport made him think that the only way to avoid that was to impeding him from becoming as good as he could be. He wasn't proud of it.

"I don't know if I really was born with something," Kageyama replied awkwardly. "I have been playing for so long, I studied it too," he admitted.

"You were, trust me," Tooru said simply, he had watched players for enough time to know. Kageyama had the only thing he was lacking. "But now I know how much difficult it is also for you too," he said, thinking about all the times Kageyama had stayed until late, had worked almost hard as himself, when he had come to him for help. He was very devoted to the sport and finally Oikawa knew that Kageyama couldn't lose volleyball too.

"I can't understand why you would feel jealous," Kageyama says. "You're a better player than me, you can understand the players in a way I never will. You have the precision, you have the power. There's nothing lacking in your performance. You know you're the only player I'm afraid to face, right?" he said, not caring if this was too forward.

The words warm Tooru's heart as if healing the thing had been consuming him for so long, it wasn't like it was never there, but at that moment everything felt so distant. He felt better than he had in years.

"Thank you," he says and he leans closer to Tobio, effectively kissing his cheeks. He is rewarded with an adorable blush and he wonders if he had already kissed someone. The curiosity is enough to make him ask: "Can I kiss you?" and he doesn't remember ever been so cautious but this also pays off when Tobio nods a yes, after a few seconds.

Honestly, it's a bit sloppy, but it doesn't make any of them feel slightly bad. They weren't expecting any of this when they had gone out tonight, yet at the same time they were always drawn to each other.

The kiss doesn't last long, the two of them still unsure of how far they can go with each other. But Tooru put his arm around Tobio, not caring if he seemed too clingy. He had spent too much time of his life fighting with what he feels for him and he will not do so now.

"I'm really glad you came today," says Tooru, softly.

Tobio smiles a real smile and not the scary one he used to do. Oikawa thinks that if he smiles like that more often he would get at least as many as fangirls he has. The thought makes him feels possessive.

"Me too," Tobio replies, and then he raises his hand to touch the other's hair. He stops mid-air though, not knowing if that was something he was allowed to do it. At that moment, he felt how much he lacked social interaction skills.

"Go ahead," says Tooru simply, knowing him too well.

Hesitantly, Tobio does so and the touch feels somehow more intimate than the kiss. Oikawa's hair is as soft as he always thought. But it's the way that Oikawa is looking at him without a trace of hostility that sends shivers down to him and without even processing what he is doing, Tobio slowly ends their distance.

This kiss is already better, because it holds the promise that when it ends they will be still there. They don't rush it, taking their time to explore each other and just feeling the moment they are.


End file.
